A Love Letter to my Beloved

(This is my last reflection for our Prenovitiate Formation in Arvisu)

March 15, 2010 – Monday of the Fourth Week of Lent

Our Reading Today is from the Book of Psalms 23, 1-3a, 3b-4.5.6

I will praise you Lord, for you have rescued me. I will extol you, O Lord, for you drew me clear and did not let my enemies rejoice over me. Oh Lord, you brought me up from the nether world; you preserved me from among those going down into the pit. Sing praise to the Lord, you His faithful ones and give thanks to His Holy Name. For His anger lasts but a moment; a lifetime His good will. At nightfall, weeping enters in, but with the dawn rejoicing. Hear Oh Lord and have pity on me, Oh Lord be my helper. You changed my mourning into dancing; Oh Lord, my God forever will I give you thanks.

—

A love letter to my beloved.

Dear Lord,

It has been five months since I first came here in Arvisu and I’m very glad that I survived, in fact today is the day I write my last reflection.

My heart is filled with joy Oh Lord that I couldn’t stop smiling. My soul is enchanted with your grace. Your love is indeed marvellous; no words could ever describe it. Your love is addictive that leave me no choice but to follow you. You are completely irresistible and absolutely lovable. How could I not love you, Lord?

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to know myself better through our prenovitiate formation. You let me see and acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses. Strengths that sometimes make me weak and weaknesses that sometimes make me strong. You gave me the chance to resolve my painful past and to face my uncertain future. Thank you for giving me other options to serve you. Thank you for removing my biased stereotype about diocesan formation that leads me to choose it rather than pursuing with the religious life. You were able to open up my eyes in the real situation of my diocese and you let me discover my desire to help them in any way possible.

Lord, this experience you gave me in Arvisu is life changing. Remember the time when I was so afraid giving up my career and my doubts were multiplying, you gave me one simple straight answer and that is, ‘Trust me’.  Thank you for asking me trust you, thank you for insisting that I should. I had experienced your greatness and I believed. My life has turned 180 degrees and I never imagined that my life will be as fruitful as this. Our communication becomes constant and our relationship becomes deeper than before. It was indeed life changing for me.

This is also the best time to be grateful for the gift of friendship. Thank you dear Lord for giving me a wonderful family in this community. Friendship that has been nurtured and loved. I don’t consider them as friends anymore; they are my brothers now, real brothers in blood. Thank you for calling Marlon, Philip, Ernie, Mamert, Ryd, Kim, Tonzy, Lester, Rick, Jul, TJ, Rodel and Wendyl to be with me in this journey and to discover you more intensely. Aside from Litcom sharing and intense prayer sessions, there are many unforgettable moments with them; from the simple walking to school to 27 pesos break, group study or rather picnic in the library, going crazy over movies like Dear John, Valentine’s Day and Miss You Like Crazy, chatting inside our room until we fall asleep, endless googled corny jokes during meal time, drinking sessions during free time and concert-like videoke marathon, moments are endless and still counting. Thank you for these simple yet memorable experiences.

Also, I would like to give thanks for giving us great directors, Bro. Chester, Bro. Bert and Fr. Xave for their unending support and spiritual direction and encouragement. Thank you for giving them enough wisdom, understanding and patience in order to bear with us on our kakulitans and stubbornness.

Of course, life isn’t always good. There were a lot of times when I was depressed, frustrated and disappointed. I still couldn’t comprehend why you want me to experience such frustrations, disappointments and failures. It is beyond my grasp, and my limited knowledge always fails to handle such situations. What do you want me to learn from these? What do you want me to learn from my failures? From my mistakes? From my disappointments?

Oh Lord, your mercy and grace are everlasting; I know you will not give such pain without any reasons. Help me to trust you more, help me to surrender everything to you. Be my helper, be my guide. I’m offering you now all these pain and I’m asking you to manage it, take care of it, and heal it.

10 days from now, we will know the result of the application. We will know your decision. I am not included to those anxiously waiting but I still feel excited about my brothers. Accepted or not, I pray that you will grant them the grace of understanding so that they will be able to accept your plan for their lives. I will also continue to pray for them that you will bless them with your endless grace when they journey on their way back home. You know how special they are to me and I know you will grant my request.

Lord, I’m not only excited about the result for their application but also I am excited about the end of our formation. I remember the time when I count my remaining days in Malaysia, mixed emotion as what they call it, I felt excited because at last I will have a glimpse of my future but at the same time, I felt so sad because of the fact that I will leave my friends and I’m not sure if I will see them again. It is the same feeling that I am having right now, I am excited but at the same time, very sad. I am excited because the formation will end soon and we will know the glimpse of our future. I will hopefully enter diocesan formation, some will enter the Novitiate and some will not. I am very sad at the same time because I don’t know if I will see them again after the announcement. Life will never be the same again. No more chatting while walking on the street on the way to school, no more group studies, no more corny jokes during meal time, no more 27 pesos sessions, no more cakes and ice creams after recollections, no more movies together, no more litcom sharing. Yes, indeed, life will never be the same again.

My life has changed with my experiences in Arvisu and I’m very glad that you had given me this opportunity. You made me know you more; you made me love you through these people. I know you want me to experience the best in my life that is why you gave them to me. Thank you for these graces, thank you for these wonderful blessings. Thank you for making me feel so special. Thank you for constantly spoiling me, for comforting me when I’m depressed, for embracing me when I’m sad and giving me friends when I’m alone. Oh Lord, my God, forever will I give you thanks.

Your most favourite boi,

Jorge